faking it

I didn't get a great picture of this ad on the downtown C train (because I had to run out as soon as the train stopped moving so I could catch the D across the platform that was just itching to close its doors in my face), but here goes, anyway:

(click to enlarge)

There was a whole wall of them: "the original instant message" and "send & receive" are pictured here, but there was also one with two women hugging that said something like "friend request approved" and one with someone whispering into someone else's ear that said something like "the original voicemail"—etc.*  I've already complained (here and, more so, here) about the way ads essentially lie their way into our hearts** and manipulate us like an unholy cross between a used-car salesman and the T-1000, but this ad seems particularly...unfortunate.

The idea is kind of sweet, right?  I don't know if you can see the pictures within the pictures so well, but "the original instant message" is a man and a woman kissing through the open window of a taxicab: who cares if kissing and instant messaging aren't mutually exclusive?—the overall effect is to say, hey, we spend too much time on our computers and too much time communicating at a distance; how about some good, old-fashioned, intimate human contact??

But then so why is it an ad for Dentyne?  You get thinking about it, and not only is it sort of weird that a gum company would be trying to get you nostalgic for the days before Skynet took over,*** but also it's pretty fucking creepy and awful when it hits you that the real operative thing here is that all the people in the pictures are physically close to each other, and while Dentyne seems to be telling you that it's nice when people get together, what the ads are really saying (without saying it) is that if you're going to get together, God help you if you forgot to brush your teeth.

So: why does Dentyne wish we all spent a little more time together?  Because Dentyne wishes we were more worried about our breath.

So—

FUCK YOU, DENTYNE!

FUCK YOU!!!!

* I didn't catch the hardcore, explicit, group-sex version that says, "the original social network."

** I'm particularly torn about something like nograpesnonuts.com (no, I'm not going to link to it) because (a) it's basically funny and endearing,^a and (b) its funniness and endearing...ness are tools for getting me to buy a product, tools that have nothing at all to do with the product, and God damn it, I feel played.

*** Second Terminator reference in one post!  I think it's because of The Sarah Connor Chronicles, back on the air.  Is it good, or is it stupid?  Man, I don't even know.^b  But you can bet I'm watching it.

^a Even if it's possibly a bit of a rip-off of the Paul Rudd bit in David Wain's The Ten.

^b Answer: it's both.