what I believe: numinous vowels

(click to enlarge)

You know, there's no way to know for sure, but it would appear that someone lifted the O from this sign out of a sense that it's offensive to spell the word God with a vowel instead of a hyphen.  I have very strong feelings about this* and, in the What I Believe spirit, I am going to try to write about this in a fair and level-headed fashion instead of mocking and attacking the other side: the sort of person who apparently believes that God is relieved, or at least gratified, when someone swoops in like a caped vigilante to prevent other people from spelling a word with a vowel.

I can't resist pointing out that, unless I'm totally misinformed, the origin of this "G-d" business is the injunction against saying (and, by extension, writing down) the name of God.  The problem is, "God" is not God's name.  If I write down the name Yahweh (יהוה), then yes, I'm doing something wrong if you believe in that sort of thing—and I'm certainly not supposed to say it out loud.  That's why, when the name is written with vowels (not the norm in an actual Torah, as any bar-mitzvahed kid can tell you), it's written not with the vowels for Yahweh, but with the vowels for Adonai (Lord): when you come upon it in while reading, you're supposed to say "Adonai," and the vowels ensure that you'll either remember to do that or at least not wind up actually saying the dreaded "Yahweh."**  But, see, that's what you're not supposed to say.  Yahweh is the name of God; God is not the name of God.

It's like in Coming to America when Cleo McDowell keeps calling King Jaffe Joffer "King."

But so far I've been combative, exactly the opposite of what I'd like.  To be fair, lots of intelligent people feel they need (or prefer) to leave out the O.  I suppose what it comes down to for me is (a) nonbelief in God as a conscious being who cares whether you say or write his name, or how you spell it, or anything at all you might want to say to or of him, and (b) conviction that, in the hypothetical case that God were a conscious being who paid attention to things like the way you wrote his name, wouldn't be fooled by a hyphen***—or, to look at it a different way, wouldn't be so petty as to demand or even enjoy that kind of a gesture.

But I'm fighting again.  Let's say mainly (a).

I suppose if God is a conscious being who's paying attention to the minutiæ of our daily lives, all bets are off.  In fact I find the God of the Hebrew Bible, with his dangerous mood swings, rather a lot more realistic than your more polite depictions (see Paradise Lost—yawn).  Yahweh's the kind of god who tells Moses, "Yeah, go tell Pharaoh.  See you Thursday," and then sends him on his way and for no apparent reason intercepts him on the path down from the mountain and tries to kill him.  So I guess if you believe in the literal truth of the Bible, then, yes, you'd better leave out the O—in fact you may want to leave out the vowels in every word—because Yahweh probably does care, and he is crazy, and he will fuck you up.

BONUS BELIEF:  One thing I hate about religion is that it makes us all so goddamned touchy!

* I almost called this post "Idi-cy," and obviously I ended up not successfully resisting the urge to stick that joke into a footnote anyway.

** That's where "Jehovah" comes from, by the way: Christian translators didn't know all that junk about the vowels (because they weren't about to consult with a bunch of Jews about something as important as the Holy Bible, for Christ's sake!), so they read "יהוה" with the vowels for "Adonai" and said I guess "Yahowai" (the fuckers).

*** I will forever be baffled by the idea that it is not OK for Americans to see the word fuck but it is OK for them to see the word f*ck.  What is it with people and vowels??