signs, signs

I like this:

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One of my least favorite things is a font that's meant to look like handwriting.  I may be mistaken, but I believe I noted the last time I checked out the "funnies" that Doonesbury now has a Trudeau-handwriting font instead of actual hand lettering—you know, where all the E's look exactly the same.  It's refreshing in these sometimes rather crappy days to see an obviously handmade sign.  WATCH YOUR STEP, people.

I hate this:

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I kept seeing this sign and finally put my finger on (or at least near) what bugs me about it.  It's two things.

1. What I'd already noted privately but didn't feel moved to share, particularly, is the I want to say shallowness (maybe banality?) of the message: "Respect women."  I mean, I understand that it's a response to something, but I'd almost argue, then, that the real message ought to be (as uncatchy as it might sound), "Don't disrespect women."  Because you can't control your own respect, but you can control disrespect—i.e., you can think whatever you want, but indulging your bigotry (for example) is not cool.  However, all this is sort of basically a semantic issue, besides which I'm a little intellectually unsteady about it, like not quite sure I'm being clear about it (even in my own head)—i.e., is this just reactionary, a kind of confrontational, anti-P.C. pseudo-libertarian neo-quasi-semi-conservatism based less on actual belief or reason than on a kind of contrarian impulse (etc., etc.), the kind of shit I've been trying not to do?—which is why I was sort of satisfied when the following occurred to me:
2. What's the best way to get teenage boys to be less sexist, to take women seriously, to feel inclined to respect people different from them?  Is it to put "Respect women" in a list alongside "Eat your vegetables" and "Finish your homework"?  (And putting a kid in a sweater that says "AWAITING INSTRUCTIONS"?—I mean, Jesus Christ.)  When I see this ad, the teenage boy in me is automatically inclined to defy it.  Honestly, are you fucking kidding me with this shit?  Who thinks that a good way to get teenagers to be respectful is to order them to be respectful—to appeal to their sense of obedience and respect for social order and authority?  I was pretty much raised a feminist, and this sign makes me want to get out my graffiti pen and scrawl something hateful (maybe cross out "women" and write in "bitches").*  In short, this shit is counterproductive.

I am a nerd:

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OK, listen carefully:

If you're incapable of doing something, you cannot do it.  If you "can not" do it, that means you are capable of not doing it.

So this sign is funny.**

Bonus: Why is "Service Dogs" in parentheses?  In some contexts, I'm not quite sure which,*** parentheses are used to indicate that the words in question are a translation of what's actually being said rather than a direct quotation.****  So you could take it as basically saying, "Exception: whatever the fuck you loons want to call your service dogs—helper beasts, lookymutts, furry eyeballs—bring 'em on in.  P.S. You probably can't read this."

* I do not own a graffiti pen.^a

** Or, you know, maybe it's kind of accurate: they're saying, "Unfortunately, we have the right to tell you to keep your fucking pet out of our fucking pharmacy."

*** Comic books?

**** Yeah, comic books: you'd have some spaceship, and the people inside would be saying in their speech balloons, like, "(What is that on the radar?  It can't be...it looks like a...a man??)"  That meant they were saying it Russian.

^a Is there such a thing a "graffiti pen"?