And we're back!

Alt85 has been languishing, I know, and I apologize. I also know that some people actually read this thing with some regularity, so to the both of you in particular* I would like to offer something resembling an explanation. (It comes in a few separate parts, so you can pick whichever you find most persuasive.)

1. I had a birthday; I am 31. And because I am turning into my grandfather, this birthday spanned a full week and promises now to have an aftershock over the weekend. (Also because I am turning into my grandfather, I now eat only prunes and bran muffins.)
2. Without going into too much detail or giving too much context: I have been scrambling to put together a couple of spec scripts. For those of you who don't know, what this means is that I'd write an episode of Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles, for example,** in the hopes that the head writer or producer would read my script and say, "Wow, I want to hire this guy to write for our show." I've never done anything quite like this,*** so it's filling up pretty close to 100% of my mental space. Also, I am watching a tremendous amount of television in preparation. That's some pretty pleasant homework, but it's homework all the same.
3. I was disturbed to find that, according to Google Analytics, somebody found Alt85 after searching for "little girl's crotch." It's because of this, surely, but it gave me pause. (Actually, that's not true: I mean, it's true that somebody got here by searching for "little girl's crotch," but not that that stopped me from posting—I actually just found out about 15 minutes ago.) Of course, now that I've written about it, this site will probably get an even bigger pedophile audience. Welcome, child molesters! Something is wrong with you!

Posting only to say why I'm not posting seems wrong, so here's a bone: my friend and I played squash this morning! We did it a few times a few months ago and it petered out, but now we're back in business. I'm excited about this for three reasons: (1) playing squash with a friend is better than hooking yourself up to an exercise machine, (2) Annie Hall, Max, and (3) we've been doing it at the New York City club of a famous Northeast university, which is automatically kind of hilarious—e.g., take a look at this actual painting that hangs in the men's locker room:

With the towel? Too amazing. I can't quite figure out whether a sense of humor is involved—I kind of hope not because it's funnier if it's humorless (strange though that may sound).

Here's a picture my friend sent me of the two of us on the court:

All right. Back to the generation of unsolicited television comedy. God bless America.

* That's a joke. There are at least 5 of you.

** I am not actually writing an episode of Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles.

*** Except for the following Ali G–style dialogue I wrote in 2003 or 2004 in anticipation of interviewing Emanuel Ax:

ME Yo, big up yo'self; I'm 'ere wif my main man, Emanuel X.

AX That's Ax, actually.

ME Well, you and I 'ave different accents, innit. I say X, Y, Z; you say...Ax, Y....

AX No, my name is Emanuel Ax. A-X.

ME Yes, I know it's a X, but surely...

AX No, it's an A and then an X.

ME ...For real.

AX Yes.

ME And your brother, Malcolm—did he also spell it...?

AX Malcolm X was not my brother.

ME For real?

AX Yes.

[Pause]

ME OK, wicked. Let's start over. I'm 'ere wif my main man, Emanuel A. X. First question: why 'ave you disowned your own brother? Surely it's a bit racialist to [etc., etc.]