indecipherable street slang [UPDATED x2]

So the New York Times reports on this kid who was arrested for a robbery but was released because he had an alibi—in the form of a Facebook status update (cf.). That's cute and all, maybe a little interesting, but what stood out to me was the repeated emphasis on how totally incomprehensible the status update was:

"...the sentence, written in indecipherable street slang, was just another navel-gazing cryptic Facebook status update—words that were gobbledygook to anyone besides Mr. Bradford."

OK. Now, the Times included a small screenshot of the kid's Facebook page. Click to enlarge and check out the bottom:

It would appear that the cryptic, indecipherable gobbledygook in question reads, "ON THE PHONE WITH THIS FAT CHICK......WHERER MY I HOP."* So...really, New York Times? Is "WHERER MY I HOP" that mysterious? Look, it's true: there's only one IHOP in New York City, and it's in Brooklyn. But I'm from New York City, and I know what IHOP is. I'm not saying this is the most crystal-clear, easily understood expression imaginable, but "indecipherable street slang"? IHOP is a major chain with restaurants in all 50 states. Gimme a fuckin' break.

It's also funny—slash, troubling—that the Times translates "WHERER MY I HOP" as "Where's my pancakes" (as opposed to, say, "Where are my pancakes"). The most innocent explanation is that the status update really was just completely incomprehensible to these people, and they couldn't even begin to understand that WHERER = WHERE'RE = WHERE ARE, and they either had to turn the R into an S in order to wrap their minds around it or just accepted somebody else's translation on blind faith. (You might also claim that it's an advanced translator's choice, based on the assumption that IHOP is singular, such that the truest translation of "where are my [singular] IHOP" once "IHOP" is switched to the plural "pancakes" would be "where is my [plural] pancakes"...but what are the odds of that? And couldn't IHOP be plural?) A more worrying explanation is that they felt it necessary to insert subject–verb confusion just to communicate the "street" slanginess...which begins to smack of, what do you call it, condescension? There might be another word for it...

[BONUS: Why did they leave out "ON THE PHONE WITH THIS FAT CHICK"? Is it that you could be on the phone anywhere but not waiting for pancakes anywhere? But the main relevance of the alibi was not about what he said: it was about his having updated his status from a particular computer. No, I think they left out the thing about the fat chick because they just didn't know what to do with it. (Either that or all their experts working together still couldn't translate it into English.)]

* I found the guy on Facebook and double-checked. Yes, that's exactly what it says.