OK, so passive, anecdotal research [see also] is leading me to the surprising conclusion that most dudes hate sex.
The first time a woman suggested to me that liking sex is more an exception than it is a rule, I was like, "What? Girl, you trippin'."* But then I started hearing it more and more. Ladies, is this so??
I mean, I know that a lot of guys are misogynists, or crypto-misogynists, and I should think sexism is even more common than that,† but somehow it never occurred to me that... Or, forget "somehow":‡ our society very specifically insists that men love sex, that it's all we all think about. I'm just starting to get the impression, though, that this is a myth—that for a lot of men, sex is only about conquest, or that it's something they think they're supposed to act like they like, or that it's more compulsive than it is motivated by real passion, or something. It's certainly easy to be self-conscious and scared of sex; I mean, I'm not sure I really got comfortable with sex until I was like 30 years old.
But so seriously—I'm serious, here—ladies, answer this question: In your experience, are most men as sexually voracious as our culture suggests, or do you run into a surprisingly large number of stand-offish or cold-fishy sexual skeptics?
Inquiring minds want to know.
* Because that's how I talk.
† Actually, that's an interesting question: is it? What's more common in our society: sexism or misogyny? Obviously the two are not mutually exclusive, but neither do they necessarily or automatically go together.
‡ Don't put a comma after a conjunction. This is a stylistic exception. [Q.v.]
2 comments:
This is a fantastically interesting question!
I would guess that, generally, you are spot on. When sex is framed as a conquest men make at the expense of women, there can be no real pleasure (beyond the obvious release). And when women are taught to be ashamed of enjoying sex, and men are taught to view women who enjoy sex as sluts/whores/etc. there can be little respect or enjoyment.
When sex is framed as something two (or more) people do together rather than something one does to the other, it becomes a collaborative exploration and exaltation of what it means to be human.
My hope is that the majority of people (men, women, all the other colours of the rainbow) like and enjoy sex. My fear is that most don't. I've got this feeling that most people who are having sex (and I do think people have a lot less sex than we think they do) are having boring sex. Because our society is far from sex-positive, and the sexual scripts we're taught from a young age are not only damaging but boring as fuck.
Thanks for the feedback, gg! I think you're right.
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