Friday, August 10, 2012

GOOGOL SCANDLE [updated]

Well! I was just wondering how Google works—what their oh-so-secret, fanatically guarded algorithm might be—so I did some poking around, and guess what I found out:

GOOGLE DOESN'T ACTUALLY SEARCH THE WEB AT ALL!!!

What their so-called "web search" actually does is SIMULATE a web search! With every "search," they just randomly generate infinitely many random alternate Internets, a multiverse of invented content—thereby "matching" every conceivable web result in every conceivable universe at every conceivable point at time! Then all they do is test every link and discard all the ones that don't match something in this universe at this point in time!

So! Turns out those folks over at Google Inc. are nothing but a bunch of smoke-and-mirror grifters!

Shame on you, Google!

UPDATE: I asked a frend who works at Google whether the exposé above was more or less accurate, and his response was extremely illuminating:

Surprisingly close. We found that discarding the links that don't work in this universe used too many CPU resources, so now we just move you into a universe in which the first set of links we generated is accurate.